My heart is completely shattered right now at the loss of my friend and bandmate Carter.

I’m at a loss, trying to make sense of the bizarre set of circumstances surrounding his untimely death, so I’ll keep from speculating about it, for now. All I will say is that Carter was not a violent person, and I hope that people will not dwell upon this bullshit media image of him as a batterer. That was most definitely not the Carter that I knew and loved.

I remember when I first became aware of him. It was eleven years ago, and I was playing in a band called Walter Mitty. Carter was a member of The Dead Thing and its off-shoot Minglewood, even though, by his own admission, he couldn’t stand the Dead. He just enjoyed playing with those guys, and the band was a perfect outlet for his prodigious piano playing. I remember my bandmate James and I watching him in awe as he effortlessly mixed lightning fast improvisations, with soulful vocals. The guy was just amazing.

Carter used to get up and jam with Mitty fairly regularly back in ’97 and ’98, and it was always inspiring to watch him figure out how to play our songs on the spot. And these were not three chord songs. He just had a brain that processed music instantly and he made it look effortless, every time. My personal favorite was when we covered “Sweet Jane” and he just jumped up onstage and decided to sing it, before I had a chance to approach the mic. He had the most confident look that spoke volumes – he was saying “you know I’m gonna sing the shit out of this” and he did exactly that. From that day forward, every time we saw him at one of our shows, we’d fire up “Sweet Jane” and he’d leap onto the stage and the room would light up.

What’s amazing about him is that he was so humble. I mean, he knew that he was the shit. He had to have known. But he never acted like he was better than anyone. He was so smart and so knowledgeable about music and many other things, but he was never condescending. When we were in Sorta together, he could sometimes be a harsh critic, whether it was my phrasing, my singing, my tone, a song arrangement, Danny’s bassline, a drum fill – whatever. He was never shy about speaking his mind and doing what he believed was best for the song. It was never about his ego, it was always about the song. I think that’s why Carter was in Sorta in the first place. He knew that Trey was a brilliant songwriter, and he truly believed in the band. His own songs were amazing, and he was a born bandleader, but the fact that he was willing to be “one of the guys” in so many different bands showed how much he cared about other peoples’ songs.

One thing I remember about hanging out with him is that he was just about the funniest dude ever. Sitting on the back porch with the Sorta guys was always a riot – it was the best part of rehearsal. Listening to Carter and Danny riff about any given topic was enough to have you rolling on the floor at any given moment. Those two had such a rapport, they fed off each other and made each other laugh while cracking the rest of us up. It was obvious they loved each other very much, like brothers.

We played a show together at Bend Studio just a few weeks ago. I did my solo acoustic set and Carter played his after me. I remember wanting to go first because I just couldn’t fathom having to follow him. He said the same thing about me, but I was like “whatever”. I knew that he would own that room, and I just wanted to sit back and listen, I didn’t want to worry about having to play after him. He did a set that consisted almost entirely of new songs from his upcoming solo record, and they were so fucking amazing. He dedicated “No More Country Living” to me, knowing that it was my favorite. And after the show, he slipped me a disc of the rough mixes of the new album. I’ve spent nearly every day since then listening to it, in awe of his lyrics and his voice. I think it’s the best thing he’s ever done, and I know that all of us that are close to him will do whatever it takes to make sure it gets released. I told him a few days later that his album would be “the next Van Occupanther” and he seemed genuinely moved by the compliment. We sat at the bar that night and drank til close, talking about his songs and his amazing gift for words. He jokingly told me that he wanted to be the first musician to win a Pulitzer. Strangely, I think he could’ve done it. I sat up last night after the Barley House, crying and listening to his new songs in my car. I can only hope that everyone else gets to hear them.

I remember the last time I saw him. It was last Thursday night, the day before I left town for Labor Day weekend. We were over at Tom’s, working on the Sorta record. We talked about arrangements for songs and played Madden football on X-box. I remember I begged him to show me the G-major 9 tuning that he used for several of the songs on his new record and he showed me a snippet of how to play “Jesus Lite”, which is the best song he’s ever written, in my opinion. He asked me to show him how to play “The Thief”, a song of mine, and he said how much he loved the opening riff. He was very complimentary of The Slack record, and it meant the world to me, cause I knew that Carter wasn’t a bullshitter. If he didn’t like it, he’d tell you, or if he wanted to spare your feelings, he’d just keep quiet. But he went out of his way to compliment me and it made me feel great. Tom’s girlfriend Cris made us chocolate malts and we scarfed them down and joked around some more before he said he was gonna get some sleep. He walked out the door and I never saw him again.

I’m just heartbroken and devastated by all this. We’d been friends for twelve years and I feel like I was just finally starting to really get to know him. The thing that sucks now is that not only will I never laugh with my friend again, but I won’t be able to share that musical connection. His genius was so powerful, you just couldn’t help but be in awe of him. There were so many times in Sorta, when I just deferred to him, or asked for advice, because I truly believed that he would steer me in the right direction. This coming from me, the guy who is supposed to be the “musician of the year”. Whatever…I wasn’t even the best musician in my band. I could never touch Carter…none of us could. His talents were so unique, and every note he played was so fucking soulful. Honestly, I can’t imagine how we’re going to go on.

It’s probably too early to even think about it, but I can’t help but wonder what we’re gonna do. I just don’t know how we could ever fill his shoes, or how anyone could, for that matter. It crushes me to even think of playing those songs without looking over at him, whether for approval or just a laugh. I may never get over it.

My heart goes out to Ryann and Danny and his parents and my bandmates and all our friends and every one else that was ever close to him. This is the worst fucking thing ever. Carter was one in a million.

I will miss him forever.

CH
9/4/07